Recipe for disaster

 

A Crazy Cooking Poem for Kids

A box of melted crayons.
A cup of Elmer’s glue.
A pint of watercolor paint.
Some Silly Putty too.

A half a pound of Play-Doh.
About a pint of paste.
A tablespoon of flubber
to improve the final taste.

I looked through all the cupboards
for things I could include.
If it was marked “Non-Toxic”
I just figured that meant “food.”

To guarantee it’s healthy
I topped it with a beet.
Then smashed it all together
so it should be good to eat.

I’m hoping that you’ll try it
and tell me what you think.
Just close your eyes and open wide
and nevermind the stink.

–Kenn Nesbitt

 

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Scribble

 

I gave you some crayons

To create your own space

But you decided to invade

My own personal place

You scribbled and tortured

all of my walls

If only your design

Was like Niagara Falls

But all you do is

Destroy my walls

Can’t you create a

Mona Lisa

Or even

The tower of Pisa

If I take your crayons away

What will happen today

Will you take out your paints

And decorate my place

To look like no – ones ever seen

Pretend you are Leonardo Da Vince

Sit quietly and paint my face

Gillian Sims

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SCARY MARY’S RECIPES FOR HALL0WEEN WHY DONT YOU TRY ONE IF YOU DARE!

Blood soup 
This is an easy recipe. You will need a can of tomato soup and a pack of musksticks. First, cook the soup in a pan over a stove. Then break up the musk sticks and put them into the soup to create…blood soup with delicious fingers!

Dead Fingers
This is a shortbread type cookie that look like fingers.The dough is piped (use a bag without any tip to get a finger sized cylinder) onto the cookie sheet. Then using the dull side of a butter knife make lines suggesting knuckle and wrinkles, and add an almond for the fingernail. I found the unblanched variety look particularly creepy. You can add a bit of red icing (ie.that translucent yuk that comes in a tube) if you want a bloody finger. I have experimented with this idea and found it better to make an impression with the almond rather then bake them and “glue” the almonds to the finger afterwards with the “blood”. This gives a new twist to the term “finger foods”.

Brain Cookies 
You color a icebox type dough a sickening purplish/gray shade and then push the dough through a colander to make extruded spaghetti shapes.Then you loosely pat spoonfuls of the dough into brain shapes (well at least most kids’ notions of how a brain is shaped). I think I experimented with different kitchen tools with this one and ended up using one of those collapsable steamer things to make the spaghetti.

French Fried Eye Balls 
2 pototoes
relish
Mash potatoes and mold them into balls. Cook 160C in oven 20 min. Spread relish over and enjoy!

Bugs in dirt sandwiches 
For this you will need white bread, a pack of mixed bug shaped lollies and milo. First, spread your slices of bread with margerine or butter. Then, sprinkle the buttered slices with milo until completely coated. Carefully stick the bugs firmly into the milo and place remaining slice of bread on top. Voila! you have bugs in dirt sandwhiches!

Tombstoned biscuites 
This recipe is a nice treat. First, you will need icing sugar, rectangular biscuites and a toothpick. Take your icing sugar and mix it with hot water until fairly runny. Dip each of your biscuits into the mixture and place onto a foiled tray. Take your toothpick and carve “R.I.P” out of the icing on every biscuit. Place in fridge for a few hours and presto! Your very own mini tombstones!

Brain Cell Salad 
1 (6-ounce) package blueberry gelatin dessert mix
1 (16-ounce) container small-curd cottage cheese
1 (16 1/2-ounce) can blueberries in syrup (or 3/4 cup frozen blueberries, thawed)
blue food coloring
Prepare gelatin according to the directions on the package. Chill for four to five hours, or until firm.
Scoop cottage cheese into bowl. Drain and set aside the syrup from the blueberries. Add the berries to
the cottage cheese and mix well. Add three drops food coloring to turn the cottage cheese a nice qrayish color when blended. To serve salad, place a few spoonfuls of firm gelatin (congealed brain fluids) onto individual plates. Top with a scoop of cottage cheese (brain tissue) mixture and serve.

Crusty Booger Balls 
1 (14-ounce) can sweetened condensed milk
5 1/3 cups flaked coconut (about 14 ounces)
1 large 8-ounce package lime-flavored gelatin
1 cup ground, blanched almonds
1 teaspoon almond extract
In a large bowl, combine sweetened condensed milk, coconut, 1/3 cup of the unprepared gelatin, almonds, and almond extract. Mix well with a large mixing spoon or rubber spatula. Cover bowl with platic wrap and chill for about an hour or until mixture is firm enough to mold in your hands. Scoop by 1/2 teaspoonfuls and shape into various-sized booger balls. Place them on a baking sheet, lined with a sheet of waxed paper. Make sure they are all slightly different, just as each and every booger iwsunique and special. Place a second sheet of waxed paper on your work surface and pour remaining unprepared lime gelatin on the center of the waxed paper. Roll each ball in gelatin to coat well and create a thin outer layer. Then place back on the baking sheet. Return boogers to the refrigerator for and hour before seving, and store any extras in the refrigerator.

Pumpkin Cake 
Bake 2 cakes in Bundt pans. Place the 2 cakes together bottom to bottom. Frost with orange frosting made from food colouring. The pumpkin face is pieces of a Hershey Chocolate Bar cut into triangles, etc for eyes, nose, etc. And finally set a chocolate frosted cupcake at the top as the stem.
Note: This ends up being a whole lot of cake.

Another Eyeball Dish! 
Buy a can of lychee fruits and simply stuff the little devils with grapes (try mixing red and green grapes). Serve in a hollowed out gourd. Serve this down with Vampire blood. Any red-coloured drink will do. Simply serve it in small pumpkin-type gourds that have been cleaned out. Use black liquorice for straws, and start sucking.

Frog’s Eye Salad 
1 cup Acini De Pepe
2 cups mandarin oranges
1 cup pineapple tidbits
1 1/2 cups marshmallows
3 egg yolks
3 Tbsp. flour
1 cup sugar
1 reg. size Cool Whip
Boil Acini De Pepe in salted water til tender, but not soft (about 10 minutes) and drain. Drain fruit. Thicken fruit juice, egg yolks, flour and sugar. Add drained Acini De Pepe while dressing is still hot, then let the whole mixture cool. When cooled, fold in marshmallows, fruit, and Cool Whip. Chill.

Graveyard Treat
Crush a full bag of Oreo cookies and spread some in the bottom of the pan. Reserve the other half for the top. Next mix chocolate pudding and coolwhip, and spread over the crust. Spread the remaining crumbs over the pudding, covering completely. Use cookies to represent the tombstones, oval cookies are best, you can even pipe on saying with icing (R.I.P. etc) I have some bats on sticks that I stick down in the cookie tombstones (if they are sandwich cookies). Just use your imagination to decorate your
graveyard. Enjoy this ghoulish treat. Happy Haunting!

Kitty Litter Cake 
1 pkg. spice cake mix
1 pkg. white cake mix
1 pkg. white sandwich cookies
green food coloring
12 small tootsie rolls
1 pkg. vanilla pudding mix
1 new kitty litter box
1 new pooper scooper
Prepare cake mixes and bake according to directions. Prepare pudding mix and chill until ready to assemble. Crumble white sandwich cookies in small batches in blender. They tend to stick, so scrape often. Set aside all but about 1/4 cup. To the 1/4 cup cookie crumbs, add a few drops green food
coloring and mix using a fork. When cakes are cooled to room temperature, crumble into a large bowl. Toss with half the remaining cookie crumbs and the chilled pudding. Gently combine. Line new, clean kitty litter box. Put mixture into litter box. Put three unwrapped Tootsie rolls in a microwave safe dish and heat until soft and pliable. Shape ends so they are no longer blunt, curving slightly. Repeat with 3 more Tootsie rolls and bury in mixture. Sprinkle the other half of cookie crumbs over top. Scatter the green cookie crumbs lightly over the top, this is supposed to look like the chlorophyll in kitty litter. Heat remaining Tootsie rolls, 3 at a time, in the microwave until almost melted. Scrape them on top of the cake and sprinkle with cookie crumbs. Serve with a new pooper scooper. This does take a bit of time. My friend made it for an adult’s Halloween party, I swear you can’t tell it from the real thing if you follow the directions carefully. Serves 24

Bone Sandwiches
Cut the crusts off of some slices of white bread. Spread peanut butter and jam on the bread. Roll the sandwiches up. Ta da! You have bones with blood and marrow for dinner!

Dinner in a Pumpkin
1 small to medium pumpkin
1 4-oz can sliced mushrooms, drained
1 onion, chopped
1 10-oz can cream of chicken soup
2 TBS vegetable oil
1 8-oz can sliced water chestnuts, drained
1 1/2 to 2 lbs ground beef
1 1/2 cups cooked rice
2 TBS soy sauce
2 TBS brown sugar
Cut off top of pumpkin; clean out seeds and pulp. Paint on appropriate face on front of pumpkin with pemanent marker or acrylic paint. In a large skillet, saute’ onion in oil until tender; add meat and brown.
Drain drippings from skillet. Add soy sauce, brown sugar, mushrooms and soup; simmer 10 minutes, stirring occasionally. Add cooked rice and water chestnuts. Spoon mixture into pumpkin shell. Replace pumpkin top and place entire pumpkin, with filling, on a baking sheet. Bake for 1 hour in 350 degree oven or until inside meat of pumpkin is tender. Put pumpkin on a plate; remove top and serve. For your vegetable, scoop out cooked pumpkin and serve. Serves 6 people

Pumpkin Seeds
2 cups pumpkin seeds
2 tablespoons salt
2 tablespoons melted butter
vegetable oil
1.Separate pumpkin seeds from the pulp but don’t wash the seeds.
2.Mix seeds, butter, salt, and stir.
3.Grease baking tray with oil and pour on buttered seeds. Gently shake the pan to even out the seeds.
4.Bake seeds at 200 degrees F. for 45 mins.

The Classic Apple Dunking
Apples
Water
A deep pan or a half barrel
Lots of people
You can blindfold the players or not. Put the water and apples in the barrel. Without using hands the players must pick up an apple with their teeth! (If you wear glasses then don’t forget to take them off.)

Pumpkin Cake This tastes like pumpkin!
1/2 c. sugar
1/2 c. butter
1/2 tsp. ginger
1 tsp. cinnamon
1/2 tsp. salt
1 egg
3/4 c. dark molassses
3/4 c. milk
2 c. flour
1 tsp. baking soda
Mix together sugar, butter, ginger, cinnamon, and salt. Add one egg and beat until fluffy. Add molasses and milk. Combine flour and basking soda and add to wet mixture. Bake in a round pan at 325 degrees F. for 35 minutes. When cooled frost with orange icing.

Green Eye Pie
In a bowl combine 2 cups of washed and dried green grapes and 1/2 cup of sour cream. Pour into 1 prepared graham cracker pie crust. Right before serving sprinkle with 2 tablespoons of brown sugar.

Gory Hand – Presentation is everything.
This is both a yummy treat and a great decoration to scare your friends. Use a clean rubber glove. Make a strong cherry or other red jello by using 3/4 of the recommended amount of water. Hang the glove over the sink by using clothes pins attached to thin strips of wood. When the jello has cooled pour into glove and place in the deep freeze. Be careful not to have the hand pressing against anything or it will ruin the shape. When the jello is frozen cut the glove off using small scissors. Keep your masterpiece in the fridge until ready to display.

alternate Gory Hand tip:
Take a clean rubber glove and fill it with water, tie it and put it in the deep freeze. Keep it in there until your party. When you’re ready take it out of the glove and put it in the punchbowl instead of ice!

Eyeball Snacks
1 lb. icing sugar
1 egg white
peppermint essence
black liquorice
blue or green colouring
Beat the egg white lightly and blend with a small amout of icing sugar and a few drops of peppermint essence. Mix until you get a fine dry paste. Using your hands knead the paste adding small amounts of icing sugar until the paste will absorb it. Separate a small quatitiy to make the irises, adding a few drops of blue or green coloring and mix. Roll the white mixture into small round balls. Press a hole in the top of the ball with your finger and add some of the colored mixture. Cut a small piece off of the
liquorice and place in the middle of the colored mixture for the pupil. Voila!

Spider Salad
1.Place one half of a canned peach on a plate, flat side down.
2.Cut eight curls off of a carrot with a vegetable peeler.
3.Tuck the curls under the peach to make spider legs.
4.Put raisins on top of peach for eyes.
5.Put a small piece of marachino cherry under the raisins for the mouth.

Easy Insects
1.Melt a 6oz. package of butterscotch chips over low heat, stirring constantly.
2.Remove chips from heat and stir in 1 cup peanuts and 3 cups chow mein noodles.
3.Drop by teaspoon onto waxed paper and cool.

 

Drinks

Vampire’s Blood Shake
2 cups plain yogurt
1/2 tsp. vanilla extract
1 package frozen starwberries or raspberries, thawed
ice cubes
1 pint strawberry ice cream
1.Mix yogurt, vanilla, and berries in the blender.
2.Pour into tall glasses over ice cubes, or chill.
3.Top with a big spoonful of strawberry ice cream.

BLOOD RED ICE
For deep red ice, try cherry Kool-Aid®. It Can even be frozen inside a plastic glove, now this really adds some snap to a punchbowl! MYSTERY PUNCH 1/4 cup lemon juice 1 teaspoon ground ginger 2 quarts apple cider 3 cups water 12 ounce can of frozen orange juice concentrate Stir all ingredients together until well blended. Chill 1 hour. Serve cold with blood red ice mold (above) To serve warm, after chilling, bring mixture to a boil, then simmer for 5 to 10 minutes.

BOILING WITCH’S CAULDRON OF WHAAP
Get one of those plastic witch’s cauldrons from your nearest Halloween supply store usually available at large retail outlets around Halloween. Wash it out real good. Purchase some frozen lemonade, lime-lemonade, and whatever other flavor you want to use as your base taste. Then proceed to add a couple liters of lemon-lime tasting soda such as 7-UP, Sprite, Squirt or even Ginger Ale. Add a whole bunch of cut-up fruit: watermelon, strawberries, musk melon, cantaloupe, oranges, and of course your favorite style of grapes (they make good eyeballs). To darken the mixture you may want to add a couple of packages of grape or blackberry Kool-Aid®. For added effect you can purchase some plastic bones, eyeballs, bats, spiders or whatever else you can find. Lastly you will want to add dry ice for the boiling effect and to have “steam” rolling over the edges.

A WARNING ABOUT DRY ICE!!!! IT CAN BURN SKIN BY HANDLING IT OR SOMEONE’S THROAT IF THEY SWALLOW IT! BE SURE TO WARN YOUR GUESTS OF THE DANGERS BEFORE THEY GET AT IT OR MAKE SURE YOU HAVE SOME KIND OF SIGN TO WARN THEM. WE CANNOT TAKE RESPONSIBILITY FOR SUGGESTING IT’S USE.

There’s Bugs in my Drink! 
Put raisins in your punch for bugs!

A Gruesome Brew
1/2 c. lemon juice
1 quart apple cider
5 cloves
1 tsp. nutmeg
2 cinnamon sticks
toads and salamanders
1.Mix lemon juice and cider in a saucepan.
2.Put spices in a tea ball and add to cider.
3.Bring mixture to a boil over low heat and simmer for 5 – 10 minutes.
4.Cool slightly, remove tea ball, and serve. Also good cold.

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Halloween Poems for kids by Paul Perro

Halloween is a fun night
With lots of strange creatures to see.
There are black cats,
And giant bats,
Let’s meet some more, shall we?

Vampire
Vampires have pale white skin
They just come out at night.
Give one half a chance and he
Will give your neck a bite.

Witch
A witch flies past on her broomstick,
Over the roof of your house. 
It would be better
Not to upset her, 
She’d turn you into a mouse. 

Skeleton
Skeletons walk about the town. 
They have no skin, just bone. 
Sometimes for fun they play their ribs 
Just like a xylophone

Ghost
I am a spooky ghost
Being scary’s what I do.
I like to sneak behind people
And whisper softly “Wooooo!”

 

 

 

 

Mummy
I come from ancient Egypt
They call me the mummy.
Bandages cover my arms, my legs,
My head, my chest, my tummy.

 

 

 

Grim Reaper The grim reaper looks very scary, But it’s not really what he intends. With his scythe and his hood,  He is misunderstood,  He really just wants to be friends.

 

Werewolf
The sun is going down,
It will be night time soon.
The werewolf will be coming out
And howling at the moon.

 

 

 

 

Demon
With its scary horns & giant wings
Everyone’s scared of the demon.
All he has to do is smile,
And people run off screamin’.

 

 

The Headless Horseman
I am the headless horseman, 
Has anyone seen my head?
Oh never mind, there’s a pumpkin,
That’ll do instead!

 

Zombie
A zombie shuffles and staggers, 
Eyes rolled, arms outstretched,
“The Walking Dead”
It’s often said 
(But I think that’s far-fetched).

 

 

 

 

 

 

Easter Bunny
I am the Easter Bunny, 
You see me at Easter time.
I think it’s pretty obvious
That I’m in the wrong rhyme.

 

 

 

The Devil
Two horns, a tail, a trident… 
Must be the devil, I guess.
No wait, that’s not the devil, it’s
A boy in fancy dress.

 

 

Jack O’Lantern
There are lots of monsters about tonight, 
But you’ll be safe, don’t worry.
The Jack o’lantern will scare them off,
They won’t be back in a hurry.

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How to Keep Your Dog Safe on Halloween

It’s Halloween night and the door bell is continuously ringing…

This may be very frightening to your dog or cat or other pets. You need to have a game plan for them, as well, on Halloween night. Have a room set up for them and keep them behind closed doors during trick-or-treating hours. Have food, water, a toy or two and a litter box if needed all set up for them.

• You saw the cutest costume for your pet! Just because you think a certain Halloween costume for your fur person is cute doesn’t mean that they will enjoy wearing it! Try it on them in advance and see how they react. If they don’t like it, don’t force them to wear it.

• If you own a cat and let it go outside, remember that this a bad time of year for cats. Keep them inside for a few days and nights. While they may whine a bit because they are used to going outside, they’ll be safer in the house where you can keep an eye on them.

• Having an adult party? Remember, dogs, cats, birds and other animals do not like being intoxicated. Some people at may think it’s funny to get an animal drunk but it can kill them.

• As much as your dog or cat may beg for some of your Halloween candy, always remember that chocolate is deadly to them in any amount. There’s a chemical that naturally occurs in chocolate that they can not tolerate.

• The wrappers, such as tin foil, can get stuck in your pet’s digestive tract and make them ill or cause death. There are plenty of recipes for making home made Halloween dog and cat treats.

• Large dogs can have strong tails when it comes to wagging them. Don’t leave any lighted candles or Jack-O-Lanterns where they could be knocked over by a swinging tail or a curious cat. Not only could your pet start a fire but they could severely burn themselves in the process.

• If you are going to dress your pet in a costume, keep in mind that unless the dog or cat is extremely receptive to this kind of thing, you could be causing it discomfort and stress. Some animals don’t mind at all but others do not want to be bothered with this kind of thing. They’ll be under enough stress with the festivities going on outside and people constantly at the door so don’t cause them any more stress then you have to.

• If a pet costume comes with a mask, don’t use it. While some dogs will love dressing up, they usually aren’t too keen on masks. If you do use a mask on your pet, make sure that it’s eyes have plenty of room to see and that there is nothing covering it’s nose or confining it’s mouth.

• If you are having a indoor party, make sure that you put your dog or cat in a room where they won’t be disturbed. Even if your pet is ultra friendly and doesn’t mind loud noises, music and lots of people you should keep them separate for the night. Also, be careful your cat or dog doesn’t dart out through the open door as you hand out candy. Best bet is to just put them in a room with some food and water for the night and check on them once in a while to let them know everything is fine.

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Have you brushed your teeth yet ?

 

 

I rubbed my eyes

As I jumped out of bed.

”Brush your teeth,”

My mother said.

I opened my curtains wide,

I could not believe my eyes.

I saw a very large frog

Absolutely full of spots

Floating.

Or wait!

Could it be a dog?

Is it barking? Or is it croaking?

Then came that voice,

“Have you brushed your teeth yet?”

Then the frog stopped and pushed his nose,

Against the glass,

“What time is it?” he cried.

“I left my watch at my bed side.”

My mother then ran up the stairs

I waved goodbye to spotty frog,

He started barking like a dog.

It sounded very much like,

“Have you brushed your teeth yet?”

Gillian Sims copyright 2009

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Tips for nurturing a child’s interest in reading

Reading should be a shared experience between parent and child in order to ensure a love of books from an early age.
Ensure your child sees you reading regularly whether it’s a book, a newspaper or a magazine as it will instil a love of reading for pleasure.
Let your child help you choose the books you read together. If your child doesn’t like a book, don’t force him or her to read it. Let them put it down and come back to it after reading something else.
Read in a place that’s comfortable for both you and your child. During and after reading a book talk about the story and take time to discuss the ideas in the book in order to ensure a greater understanding.
Give your child plenty of praise while reading. If they have a favourite book or author let them read them again and again but also introduce an author or book similar in style. Our Like-for-Like feature (see below) will help here.
Parents can enjoy online-time with children as much as watching TV with them. Specialist websites like Lovereading4kids are not only fun for online browsing, but have developed specialist tools such as the facility to download free Opening Extracts and search author Like-for-Like functions.
Many of today’s parents are not aware that there are whole rafts of childrens’ books written by great authors especially for them. These days, children don’t have to be forced to read Dickens or Bronte. Harry Potter is not alone!
Above all, make reading fun.

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10 Things Parents Just Don’t Understand About Teens

1. Parents just don’t understand that not all teens like Justin Bieber and One Direction.

Parents, sure a ton of teens are Beliebers and Directioners (just look at how many followers they have on Twitter!), but I can assure you, there are plenty of us who aren’t exactly happy about the fact that if Biebs were our boyfriend, he would never let us go. And there are many of us who would run away if we saw five British boys chasing after us on the beach. So, to all the parents who are thinking about what to get their teens for their birthdays, ask us before buying the new Justin Bieber perfume at Macy’s.

2. Parents just don’t understand that we know they weren’t perfect in high school, either.

Parents, when you get mad at us for staying out past our curfew and going out with our friends on the weekends, stop pretending you weren’t doing the same things when you were teens. We have all seen the hair you guys tried to pull off in the ’80s. And if those weren’t “out past your curfew” boots, then I don’t know what were.

3. Parents just don’t understand that they don’t need to apologize for cursing…

Parents, as nice as it is that you guys try to protect the innocence of our ears, you really don’t have to apologize for cursing. Believe us, we’ve heard curse words before. In fact, we need curse words to get us through bad test scores and annoying classes. So, when you forget I’m in the car and curse out the driver next to you for cutting into your lane, please don’t apologize. Thanks!

4. Parents just don’t understand that we’ve heard worse than Howard Stern.

Similarly, parents, you don’t have to change the channel on the radio or the TV whenever Howard Stern comes on the screen. Right when you leave the room, we can stream his radio show or watchAmerica’s Got Talent on the computer. No need to be martyrs. We can all enjoy Howard together.

5. Parents just don’t understand that we don’t “Twitter.” We tweet.

Parents, you would never say that we should “books.” You would say that we should “read books.” So don’t tell us to stop “twittering.” If you are going to pester us about what we do on the Internet, at least use the correct verb and tell us to “stop tweeting.”

6. Parents just don’t understand why we would want to make our photos look “old.”

Parents, we get that you might be self-conscious about aging. That’s totally normal! But seriously, when we make photos look old on Instagram or Hypstamatic, we aren’t giving ourselves wrinkles and turning our hair gray. Aging photos and aging middle-aged parents are not the same thing. We make our photos black and white because old photos look cool. Unlike old people. Unless, of course, they are named Betty White.

7. Parents just don’t understand that a movie being rated “R” won’t prevent us from going to see it.

Seriously, parents, how do you think The Hangover did so well if no teens under the age of 18 lied about how old they were on Fandango to buy tickets? As much as we like acronyms (LOL, OMG, JK) we don’t really care about what the MPAA has to say about what movies we’re allowed to see.

8. Parents just don’t understand that we find it creepy when they give us the Sports Illustrated swimsuit edition.

Parents, we don’t need your endorsement to look at the Sports Illustrated swimsuit edition. We are just as weirded out by the prospect of you thinking that we would enjoy looking at those pictures as you are by the prospect of us enjoying looking at those pictures. So please keep the Sports Illustrated with Kate Upton on the cover wherever you keep the Sports Illustrated with Lebron on the cover. Thanks.
9. Parents just don’t understand that we know what going away to “celebrate their anniversary” means.

No explanation needed. Ew.

10. Parents just don’t understand that we honestly do love them.

No matter how annoying they are or how much they don’t understand, we know how much they love us. And we love them back.

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HAPPY ST GEORGE’S DAY FROM ALLABOUTMANNERS

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St. George And The Dragon

Some folks’ll boast about their family trees,
And there’s some trees they ought to lop;
But our family tree, believe me, goes right back,
You can see monkeys sitting on top!

To give you some idea of our family tree,
And don’t think I’m boastin’ nor braggin’,
My great, great, great, great, great, great, great Uncle George,
Wor the Saint George who slaughtered the Dragon.

Aye, he wor a blacksmith, not one of the sort
Who shoe horses and sing anvil chorusses,
He used to shoe Dinasauss – big woolly Elephants,
Thumping great Brontosauruses.

Well, one day while he shod a Brontosauruses,
A feller ran into the forge,
He wor shivering with fright and his face pale and white,
And when he got his breath he said ‘George –

‘Eh, I’ve just seen a dragon, a whopping great dragon,’
And uncle said ‘Seen what? A dragon!
Thou’d best see a doctor, you’ve got ’em owld lad,
Eh, I thought you were on water wagon!’

But the fellow said, ‘Nay, ’twere a big fiery dragon,
‘Twere belchin’ out fire as it run!’
And Uncle George said ‘I could do with a dragon
With coal now at two quid a ton.’

And the feller said ‘Eh, but what’s more
I’ve just heard that the old Baron up at the Castle
Says, him as kills Dragon can marry his daughter,
She’s lovely and she’s worth a parcel.’

Then fellow goes off and old Uncle George thinks,
Of the brass and the bride in old satin,
So he brings out his pup and a pair of his ferrets,
And says to ’em ‘We’re going ratting.’

The ferrets they cocked up their noses with joy,
And the old Bull pup’s tail kept a-waggin’,
Then Uncle George shoves ’em a’side rabbit hole,
And says to ’em ‘Go on, fetch Dragon.’

Then suddenly he smells a sulphery smell,
Then he sees a big gigantic lizzard,
With smoke coming out of its eyes and its ear’oles,
And flames coming out of its gizzard.

And was George afraid? Yes, he was and he run,
And he hid there in one of the ditches,
While the Dragon, the pig, ate his ferrets and pup,
Aye, best of his prize-winning er – she dogs.

Then George said ‘Gad zooks! I’ll split thee to the wizzen,
By Gum, but he were in a fury,
And he runs to a junk shop, and buys a spear,
And he pinches a Drayhorse from Brew’ry.

Then he sallies forth with a teatray on chest,
On his head he’d a big copper kettle,
With a couple of flat irons to throw at the Dragon,
Owd George were a real man of mettle!

At last he meets Dragon beside of the pump,
Dragon sees him and breathes fire and slaughter,
But George he were ready and in Dragon’s mouth,
He just throws a big pail of water!

The Dragon’s breath sizzled he’d put out the fire,
Our family are all clever fellows!
Then so as that owd Dragon can’t blow up more fire,
With his big spear he punctures his bellows.

Then finding he’d killed it, he out with his knife,
He had gumption beside other merits –
And he cuts open Dragon, and under it’s vest,
Safe and sound are the pup and the ferrets.

That night the Old Baron gave Uncle his bride,
When he saw her he fainted with horror,
She’d a face like a kite, worse than that the old Baron
Said ‘George, you’ll be Saint George tomorrow.’

‘Course, as St George t’were no drinking nor smoking,
They barred him horse racing as well,
And poor old St George, when he looked at his Bride,
Used to wish that old Dragon to… Blazes!

And he got so fed up with this being a Saint,
And the Princess he’d won always naggin’,
That he bunked off one day and he opened a pub,
And he called it the ‘George and the Dragon.

And he did a fine trade, eh, for years and for years.
People all came from near and from far there
Just to see Uncle George and the Dragon which he had had,
Stuffed and hung up in the bar there.

T’were a thousand feet long and three hundred feet ‘wide,
But one day while a big crowd observed it,
It fell off the nail, and squashed Uncle George,
And the blinking old liar deserved it.

Copyright; Weston & Lee

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PANCAKE CHARLIE SAY’S ” Come and celebrate Pancake Day 2014″

pancake charlie

This pancake recipe is fairly kid friendly…well, except for the hot griddle and all. Adults will have to oversee the use of the griddle and give some instruction on pancake flipping.

Ingredients:

• 1 1/2 cup flour
• 3 teaspoon baking powder
• 1 tablespoon sugar
• 1/2 teaspoon salt
• 1/2 teaspoon vanilla
• 2 teaspoons butter (melted)
• 1 1/4 cup milk
• 1 egg
• Cooking spray

Preparation:

In a large mixing bowl, add all dry ingredients — flour, baking powder, sugar and salt. Hollow out a place in the center of the dry ingredients.Melt butter in a microwave safe container (Set at low power for 20 seconds. It’s OK if it’s not completely melted.) Pour butter, milk, egg and vanilla in center of dry ingredients.

Using an electric mixer, with adult supervision, mix on low until all ingredients are well mixed. Use a spoon to scrape flour from the side of the bowl.

Spray griddle with cooking spray. Preheat electric griddle to 300 degrees. For a stove top griddle use medium-high heat. (For kids who are just learning to flip pancakes a griddle is recommended over a frying pan.)

Fill a ladle half full with batter and slowly pour on griddle. Repeat, leaving plenty of space between pancakes for easy flipping.

When pancakes are filled with small bubbles, gently slide a spatula under the pancake and flip. Cook for another 30-45 seconds and use spatula to lift off the griddle.

Important! While these “Kids Can Cook” recipes are written with kids in mind, they are not necessarily meant for kids to make without adult help. Kids’ ages and level of cooking knowledge will affect how much help they need in the kitchen. So kids, always ask your parents before cooking anything!

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