Table Manners

If I were to make up the etiquette rules, it wouldn’t be too impolite to reach for the biggest dessert on the tray and gobble it down in one bite; to beat on my brother with drumsticks; eat corn on the cob with my toes; stand up on my chair and shout, “Food fight!” hang string beans right out of my nose. I’d say it’s okay to blow bubbles in milk; to dribble and slobber and slurp; to yackety-yak with my mouth full of food, then swallow and let out a burp. It wouldn’t be crude to bounce meatballs, to hide all the veggies I hate, stick bubble gum under the table, or lick all my fingers and plate. And after I made up the etiquette rules there’s one other thing I would do. Whenever my parents are eating, I’d make them obey the rules, tooby Joan Horton

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I’ve Been Burping in the Classroom

(Sing to the tune of “I’ve Been Working on the Railroad”) I’ve been burping in the classroom since I ate my lunch. We had beefy, cheesy tacos, and I gobbled down a bunch. Can’t you hear my belly rumble, full of greasy taco meat? Can’t you hear the girls all whining, “Your breath smells like your feet!” Tacos taste so swell, but they make you smell. It’s those spicy beans and me-e-eat! When you eat a bunch of that zesty lunch for sure you won’t smell sweet. Someone needs to tell the lady when she cooks our lunch today-ay-ay-ay please leave out the grease and spices so we can go out and play. by Kathy Kenney-Marshall

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Mary Had Some Bubble Gum

Mary had some bubble gum. She chewed it long and slow, And everywhere that Mary went Her gum was sure to blow. She chewed the gum in school one day, Which was against the rule. The teacher took her pack away And chewed it after school. Anonymous

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Dinasaur Dave By Thomas Sims

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Acceptance of Premio Dardos Award!

Thanks for the opportunity,but I can’t promise to have the time to reach 15 bloggers.

Forward Movements with Ian

I humbly accept the Premio Dardos Award, nominated by Prakash, or PH.

Since I am new to blogging, I will be not be nominating the required 15 blogs, due to me not having enough experience with most bloggers yet. I can, however, nominate those blogs that I know. Here goes:

1. Johncoyote

2. Beautiful Insanity

3. All about manners

4. Urban Life / Anthony Keers

5. Poetic Parfait

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Make Parenting Easier

1. Bathe your child in a laundry basket so that their toys don’t float away.

2. Avoid committing a gender faux pas with other parents.

Lean down and ask the baby his or her name. The parent will answer for them (if they can’t talk yet).

3. Save your old cell phones and let your kids use them as play cameras.

Maybe you’ve got the next Juergen Teller on your hands.

4. Punish your kids when they’re fighting.

5. Invest in a “baby shower cap.”

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6. If your kids have bad handwriting, make them spend some time on the monkey bars.

 Why certain activities can help strengthen the upper body and the fine motor skills that can lead to better handwriting.

7. Invest in a good pair of cargo pants.

Since you stopped caring about fashion the second that baby popped out of you, it’s time to start wearing cargo pants every day, preferably a pair with many pockets. Keep wipes, diapers, plastic bags, and bottles in there.

8. Put sprinkles on everything.

They’ll turn any healthy smoothie or juice into a fun-filled endeavour.

 

9. Need a place to put your kid?

Make a hammock with a blanket tied around a table.

10. Make an incredibly easy play fort with a box fan.

11. Trace your kids’ feet so you can go shoe shopping without having to drag them along.

It’ll also let you take advantage of any shoe sales you happen to stumble upon. Get more information

12. Finally tell your twins apart with this romper set.

13. Put your kids to work by turning chores into a fun game.

They’ll never know the difference!

14. Use a barrette to fix your little girl’s too-loose tank top.

15. To stop nighttime coughing, rub vapor rub on their feet and put socks over them.

16. If your kids are scared of monsters, make monster spray

Squirt under the bed, in the closet. Everybody can go back to sleep now.

17. Stick a Command hook on the back of a high chair to hold bibs.

definitelyjennifer.com / Via definitelyjennifer.com

18. Teach your child to hold a pencil the right way with a wad of Kleenex.

19. Repurpose a pool noodle to become a toddler-proof door stopper.

Keep your toddler from slamming doors, getting locked out, and from getting woken up by closing doors. 

20. Use maxi pads to extend diapers for a potty-training child.

Does your kid wake up with soaked jammies? Stick a heavy absorbent overnight maxi pad into their diaper.

Alternatively, moms can actually tear off the sides, front, and back of a diaper to create an emergency maxi pad.

21. Get a portable high chair.

Have you seen the high chairs that are out on the market these days? They’re like 4-foot-wide, ugly plastic monstrosities. Why didn’t Charles Eames design a high chair? Anyway,  that turns basically any chair into a high chair (which is awesome for restaurants and friends’ houses), and it folds up so you can put that thing away.

 

22. Use glue and glitter to make “tooth fairy money.”

23. Have your child sit on a stability ball while doing homework — it’ll help with their concentration.

This works for adults, too, you know!

24. Freeze a pacifier in an ice cube tray with juice, milk, formula, or water to sooth a teething baby’s gums.

25. Cut a hole in the tip of a pacifier and stick a dropper through it to administer medicine.

Your kid will be less likely to give you trouble.

26. Put the iPad in “Kid Mode.”

This feature (only available is iOS6) locks the application and disables any hardware controls that could lead your toddler on a wayward path. 

27. Install a baby-gate using heavy-duty cable ties instead of nailing into the banister.

28. Those zip ties also make impromptu ponytail holders.

29. Transform a DVD case into a travel art kit.

30. Use a shoe caddy to store games and snacks on a long road trip.

31. Fill a glove with pearled barley or beans, give a few pats with it, and then slip away stealthily into the night.

Just make sure you sew the glove shut so the filling doesn’t slip out and turn into a choking hazard.

32. Turn an old lotion bottle into a faucet extender so the little ones can reach.

33. Push your kid on a swing from afar using a string or rope.

*We don’t actually condone this one, unless you happen to be wheelchair bound.

34. For the gamer parent…

35. Put temporary tattoos on your kids in case they get lost.

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poems for (big kids?) about food!

A Thousand Hairy Savages
By Spike Milligan

A thousand hairy savages
sitting down to lunch
Gobble Gobble glup glup
Munch, Munch, Munch.

Prunes
By Louis Phillips

The prune is creased
From head to toe,
Or, (if I might quote
President Taft)
“The prune is wrinkled
Fore and aft…
Pity the prune,
That misunderstood fruit.
A prune is a plum
In an unpressed suit.

Herbert Glerbett
by Jack Prelutsky

Herbert Glerbett, rather round
swallowed sherbert by the pound.
fifty pounds of lemon sherbert
went inside of Herbert Glerbett.

With that glop inside his lap
Herbert Glerbett took a nap,
and as he slept, the boy dissolved,
and from the mess a thing evolved—

a thing that is a ghastly green,
a thing the world had never seen,
a puddle thing, a gooey pile
of something strange that does not smile.

Now if you’re wise, and if you’re sly
you’ll swiftly pass this creature by,
it is no longer Herbert Glerbett,
Whatever it is, do not disturb it.

The Silver Fish by Shel Silverstein While fishing in the blue lagoon, I caught a lovely silver fish, And he spoke to me, “My boy,” quoth he, “Please set me free and I’ll grant your wish; A kingdom of wisdom? A palace of gold? Or all the fancies your mind can hold?” And I said, “O.K.” and I set him free, But he laughed at me as he swam away, And left me whispering my wish Into a silent sea. Today I caught that fish again (That lovely silver prince of fishes), And once again he offered me, If I would only set him free, Any one of a number of wishes, If I would throw him back to the fishes. He was delicious!!

When you tip the ketchup bottle,
First will come a little, then a lot’ll.
(author unknown)

 

Sneaky Bill By William Cole   I’m Sneaky Bill, I’m terrible and mean and vicious, I steal all the cashews from the mixed-nut dishes. I eat all the icing but I won’t touch the cake, And what you won’t give me, I’ll go ahead and take. I gobble up the cherries from everyone’s drinks, And whenever there are sausages I grab a dozen links; I take both drumsticks if there’s turkey or chicken, And the biggest strawberries are what I’m pickin’; I make sure I get the finest chop on the plate, And I’ll eat the portions of anyone’s who’s late. I’m always on the spot before the dinner bell– I guess I’m pretty awful but  I    do          eat             well!

Potato Chips
By Anthony Gallagher

A potato chip is something
Never ceasing to amuse.
I love it’s funny wrinkles
And the crunch way it chews.

Father Loses Weight By X.J. Kennedy My father lost a pound last night He lost it where it bounces. He cried, “Good grief! Some gross sneak-thief Swiped my favorite 16 ounces!” He turned the whole house upside-down, Searched attic, roof and basement. He made us all line up and strip. Our cat blinked in amazement. He stomped on the bathroom scale and screamed, (He’s not the best of losers) Until the county sheriff beamed This call to all police cruisers: “Now hear this!  Lost — one pound of weight! All cars be on the lookout! Last seen on Mister George McQueen At the Cub Scout Pop corn-cookout! If found, the hound who pinched the pound May be armed. This means danger! Take care. Prepare to shoot on sight The least suspicious stranger.”  Alas poor Dad! He felt so sad He ate to ease his troubles, Six sirloin steaks, eight wedding cakes, And ten cheeseburgers (doubles), But all the while he gulped French Fries Adrip with salty suet His missing pound was homeward bound With more pounds sticking to it. Speak Clearly By Martin Gardner You’re old enough to know, my son, It’s really awfully rude If someone speaks when both his cheeks Are jammed and crammed with food. Your mother asked you how you liked the onions in the stew. You stuffed your mouth with raisin bread And mumbled, “Vewee goo.” Then when she asked you what you said, You took a drink of milk, And all that we could understand Was, “Uggle gluggle skwilk.” And now you’re asking me if you Can have more lemon Jell-O. Please listen carefully, “Yes, ifoo Arstilla ungwy fello.”

Eat-it-All Elaine By Kay Starbird I went away last August To summer camp in Maine, And there I met a camper called Eat-it-all Elaine. Although Elaine was quiet, She liked to cause a stir By acting out the nickname Her camp-mates gave to her. The day of our arrival At Cabin Number 3 When girls kept coming over To greet Elaine and me, She took a piece of Kleenex And calmly chewed it up, Then strolled outside the cabin And ate the buttercup. Elaine from that day forward Was always in command, On hikes, she’d eat some birch-bark On swims, she’d eat some sand. At meals she’d swallow prune-pits And never have a pain, While everyone around her Would giggle, “Oh Elaine!” One morning, berry-picking, A bug was in her pail, And though we thought for certain Her appetite would fail, Elain said, “Hmmm, a stinkbug,” And while we murmured, “Ooooh,” She ate her pail of berries And at the stinkbug too. The night of Final Banquet, When Counselors were handing Awards to different children Whom they believed outstanding, To every thinking person At summer camp in Maine The Most Outstanding Camper Was Eat-it-all Elaine!

If Walt Whitman Had Written Humpty Dumpty By Frank Jacobs O Humpty!  O Humpty! You’ve had a fearful spill, You’ve tumbled from the stoney height, your’re lying cold and still; Your shell is cracked, your yolk runs out, your breath is faint and wheezy; You landed as a scambled egg, instead of over easy; The king has sent his steeds and men To mend you if they can; I pray that they did not forget To bring a frying pan.

The Friendly Cinnamon Bun By Russell Hoban Shining in his stickiness and glistening with honey, Safe among his sisters and his brothers on a tray, With raisin eyes that looked at me as I put down my money, There smiled a friendly cinnamon bun, and this I heard him say: “It’s a lovely, lovely morning, and the world’s a lovely place; I know it’s going to be a lovely day. I know we’re going to be good friends: I like your honest face: Together we might to a long, long way.” The baker’s girl rang up the sale. “I’ll wrap your bun,” she said. “Oh no, you needn’t bother,” I replied. I smiled back at that cinnamon bun and ate him, 1,2,3 And walked out with his friendliness inside. Thoughts About Oysters By Kaye Starbird An oyster has no hands or feet To put itself in motion. It never waves or runs to meet Companions in the ocean. It has no mouth or nose or eyes Like other water creatures, Which makes it hard to recognize An oyster by its features. An oyster can’t go any place. It huddles in it’s shell; And, though it hasn’t got a face, I guess it’s just as well. An oyster’s personality Is dull beyond expression; And meeting oysters suddenly You get a poor impression. The gayest oyster never spends It’s time in fun or roistering, Which means an oyster’s only friends Are people who go an’ oystering. The people greet it with a knife And lemon juice—and therefore I often think an oyster’s life Is not a life I’d care for.

Celery
By Ogden Nash

Celery, raw,
Develops the jaw,
But celery, stewed,
Is more quietly chewed.

Point of View By Shel Silverstein Thanksgiving Dinner’s sad and thankless Christmas Dinner’s dark and blue When you stop and try to see it From the turkey’s point of view. Sunday Dinner isn’t sunny Easter Feasts are just bad luck When you see it from the viewpoint Of a chicken or a duck. Oh how I once loved tuna salad Pork and Lobsters– lamb chops too Till I stopped and looked at dinner From the dinner’s point of view.

Table Manners
By Gelett Burgess

The Goops they lick their fingers,
And the Goops they lick their knives;
They spill their broth on the table-cloth;
Oh, they live untidy lives.
The Goops they talk while eating,
And loud and fast they chew,
So that is why I am glad that I
Am not a Goop.  Are you?

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HELP YOURSELF: How to detox after Christmas?

 

Need to detox after over-indulging at Christmas? 

Q: Help! I’ve drank far too much mulled wine and I’ve stopped counting how many mince pies I’ve had since Christmas! I need a fast, simple to follow and health-boosting detox to kick off my healthy new year! – Pippa, London.

A: After the Christmas binge January is a great time to give your body a clean and rest. Psychologically it’s the start of a fresh new year, and physically it follows a period of over-indulgence and, probably, an amount of unhealthy eating and drinking. So start the New Year by giving your body the chance to make the most of the opportunities ahead.

Detoxing has many benefits – it can enhance your energy levels, aid weight loss, clear the skin and improve digestion.

Here’s eight easy steps to help you get started on your healthy new year:

1) Avoid black tea, coffee and alcohol. Instead drink herbal tea, for example nettle is great at supporting the kidneys.

2) Drink at least 1 litre of water per day – ideally more. Keep a bottle by your desk and sip regularly – you’ll be amazed how easy it is if you drink little and often.

3) Drink fresh juices, e.g. carrot, beetroot, apple and cucumber as they are fantastically nourishing and cleansing.

4) Avoid processed foods e.g. ready meals, savory snacks and biscuits. Instead eat food in its natural state. Cook it by steaming, lightly boiling or poaching – this way you will keep most of the goodness in the food (and retain the full flavour).

5) Chose organic food in order to minimize your intake of toxic pesticides. Even if you can’t make every item organic, do the best you can – it will make a difference

6) Eat at least five portions of fruit and vegetables per day – ideally more. At lunchtime and for dinner, aim to cover at least 60 per cent of your plate with vegetables and eat as much variety as possible

7) Reduce your consumption of animal products. Avoid dairy and replace milk with soya or nut milks. Lentils, beans, quinoa, seeds and nuts are good protein alternatives

8) And finally, you can support the Detox process by getting a good night’s sleep, trying Yoga or Pilates, treating yourself to a massage or infrared dome session (in order to sweat out the toxins) and exercising regularly.

By looking after your body at the start of the year you will give yourself the best chance to stay healthy in the cold months ahead and enjoy life to the full!

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Starting school – common concerns and worries

Starting school brings about big changes for all the family. You might be feeling excited about your child‘s first day at school, a little nervous perhaps, but no doubt you have a few specific worries too…

concerns with other mums here

So what are our biggest worries?

Whether it’s getting to the classroom on time or ensuring our child eats all their lunch, it seems that us mums share many similar concerns about sending our precious cargo to school. Top worries include:- 

• They will feel overwhelmed and anxious (58.8%)
• Whether they will make friends (56.3%)
• That I will miss them (50.5%)
• Whether they will eat a proper lunch (40.6%)
• That I won’t know what goes on in their day (36.4%)
• That they won’t get enough attention from the teacher (39.7%)
• Whether I will be properly organised and get them to and from school on time/ getting lunches ready/making sure they have the right stuff on the right days etc (29.8%)
• That they won’t need me so much (22.9%)
• That they will become institutionalised (10.5%)
• What I will do with my time (9.3%)
• Getting them to agree to wear the correct uniform (8.2%)
• I’m not worried about anything 5.4% 

 

And what about the mums?!

It seems that we’re a bit of a mixed bunch when it comes to deciding how we’ll fill our days when our kids start school. Out of the 1,800 mums who answered our first day mums survey, 41% (and quite clearly the most house proud!) are planning to do more cleaning at home, 22% of us will commit more hours to work whilst 33.5% of us want to use the time to get fit and regain some of that lost identity. Others have decided to donate more time to friends, sorting out the garden or studying for a new qualification. 

It’s likely that the initial few days will be hard (as illustrated by the mums below) but with a bit of time, positive planning and ambition from you, life will soon start to feel comfortably normal again.

Here’s what some mum’s said about the change in their life…

“I feel lost, and sad at the end of an era. Have loads to do including people to see and have just completed an application to return to work (after 7.5 years, eek!)” Nicola L

“My daughter started on Thursday at the age of 4, my last child. I miss her but am looking forward to a new chapter in my life.” 

“My son doesn’t start for another week but already I am a whole mixed bag of emotions! We had difficult time at nursery with him and we don’t want school to turn out the same. I am proud, happy and sad all at the same time and I will miss him.” 

“My Little man starts school on wednesday. He’s going full time from day one…we were going to put him part time but noticed everyone else on the list said full time so didnt want him to be left behind!! The thing is he is one of the young ones and still falls asleep everyday at home! I’m so worried how he’ll cope…my emotions are all over the place!” 

“I have really struggled with my daughter starting school. There are lots of issues wrapped up in it but I just love being a Mum at home (I also have a job which I do from home and run my own small business so I don’t sit and watch This Morning!) and I will really miss her and all the things we do together.”

 

Worries for ourselves

Starting school is a big change for mums so it’s natural to feel concerned about how you’ll cope, especially if you’re a stay at home mum who’s spent the majority of your time at home with your child. Our recent first day mums survey revealed that 55% of mums are primarily concerned about making friends with the other mums at the school gates whilst 54.5% are worried that they won’t be as organised or look as glam as other mums.

It also seems that many of us have got so curled up in the world of mummy-hood that we’ve lost our sense of identity with over 33% expressing concerns about getting back into the workplace. 

All of these types of pressures are extremely common amongst new school mummies but it’s important to realise that they’ll eventually pass – especially once you get into the school routine and have got to know some of the other mums.

 

Top tips to make starting school easier 

• Keep busy – don’t sit at home dwelling on why the house is suddenly so quiet, it will only make you feel sad. Instead, try to embrace the change positively and fill your days with rewarding things like work, going to the gym, having coffee with another mum or perhaps embarking on one of those tasks you’ve always wanted to do like writing a children’s book or starting your own business.
• Be strict with bedtimes! Tried grumpy children are harder to manage so make sure they get to bed on time. 
• If you are late – try not to get in a tizz as this just transfers to the kids and everyone gets cross and anxious. Breathe deeply and remember this is just out of your control – like a traffic jam. You’ll be there as soon as you can.
• Listen out for any new friends your child talks about and consider inviting them round for tea after school. This is a good way to meet other mums and help your child bond with his new friends.
• If your little one is especially sensitive or quiet, make sure the teacher knows and make home as cosy and safe as possible so they know they have a quiet little haven to come back to every night.
• Plan lunches in advance and pack them up the night before. We’ve got some greatlunchbox tips here to keep your child’s energy levels up.
• Encourage good communication. Talking about your feelings and encouraging your child to express their thoughts about school will help you all embrace the new school life and adjust to the changes positively.

 

And some tips from mums who have been there and done it!

“I find being organised helps. get up early if need be and pack lunches and PE kits etc the night before. Even laying the children’s clothes out ready can knock minutes off!” 

“I would suggest making one friend at a time – say hello to a mum who is on their own – they will be feeling just the same. Smile and say hello, ask which class their child is in / their childs name / their name – how they got to school – anything just to break the ice.” 

“Something I did to meet new mums was to join the PTA at school. It’s just a group of parents trying to raise funds for the school. I have met many mums and it’s been a real help in boosting my confidence and finding out what other stay at home mums do.” 

“The one tip I would give you, is don’t forget yourself!! You need a drink, food and a rest beforehand too…”

“As term goes on, try to get to know another mum near by who could take your child to school if you’re having a really bad morning. Lots of mums will be glad of someone who can return the favour. Even if they don’t have a baby it’s useful for when a sibling is ill.” 

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The Bear Who Lost His Sunshine

Little Blue Bear
Was feeling quite blue
He’d lost his yellow sunshine
And didn’t know what to do

He looked here
He looked there
All over and everywhere
Did Little Blue Bear

Out the back door
And through the window
Around the garden
Where the river did flow

Inside the flowers
Above the treetops
Next thing he knew
He was down by the shops

But still his yellow sunshine
Was nowhere to be found
And Little Blue Bear
Dragged his feet on the ground

The tears started falling
His blue turning deeper
And suddenly his sobbing
Alerted the shopkeeper

“Whatever’s the matter
Dear Little Blue Bear?”
“I’ve lost my sunshine
And no-one seems to care”

“Who or what is sunshine?
For the sun is shining brightly
Not a cloud in the sky
If I remember rightly”

“Mother Bear always tells me
To keep sunshine in my heart
To share its joy with others
But without it, I can’t start”

“Oh! Little Blue Bear don’t you cry
Just because your fur’s all blue without a hint of yellow
Doesn’t mean the sun can’t shine
Inside your heart, my dear sweet fellow”

© 2015 Liana Wendy Howarth

www.poetrycottage.wordpress.com

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BACK TO SCHOOL

First Day of School

Shiny, sharpened pencils,

Desks all in a row,

It’s the first day of school AND

I DON’T want to go.

A very different teacher,

With a strange sounding name.

I WANT my last year’s teacher~

Things will NEVER be the same!

I remember all the things we

learned,

And all the things we made.

The TRUTH is,

If you really want to know,,,

I’m REALLY afraid.

 

Welcome Back Acrostic Poem

When you
Enter this
Little room
Consider yourself
One of the special
Members of a group who
Enjoy working and learning

 

Welcome

September is here

And so is fall.

So welcome children

Welcome all.

I hope vacation

Was real fun.

And that you’re glad

School has begun.

 

Back To School

When the summer smells like apples

and shadows feel cool

and falling leaves make dapples

of color on the pool

and wind is in the maples

and sweaters are the rule

and hazy days spell lazy ways,

it’s hard to go to school.

But, I go!

~Aileen Fischer

 

School Again!

Marian Stearns Curry

Oh, I am so excited, for

September’s come again;

I’m always glad, no matter how

Much fun the summer’s been.

My books are new, my pencils, too;

My lunch is in my box.

It’s such a lark to join my friends

And go to school in flocks.

My hair is combed, my face is clean;

Just hear that school bell ring!

Vacation’s gone, but I don’t care.

I’m happy as anything.

School

School bells are ringing, loud and clear;

Vacation’s over, school is here.

We hunt our pencils and our books,

And say goodbye to fields and brooks,

To carefree days of sunny hours,

To birds and butterflies and flowers.

But we are glad school has begun.

For work is always mixed with fun.

When autumn comes and the weather is cool,

Nothing can take the place of school.

~Winifred C. Marshall

 

 

Backpack

On my back a pack I carry
In it, all my treasures.
It’s what I need
So I can be
One class higher!

Crayons, ruler, scissors too,
And yes a little Elmer’s glue
Paper, pencils, in my bag…
Wonder what made mom so sad?

Trapper keeper, nice and neat
Will it really stay this clean?

On my back a pack I carry
In it, all my treasures!

Today I’ll be
Just watch and see
One class higher!

~Shelley Plum

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