THE REAL MEANING OF BEING A GRANDPARENT

Why Being A Grandparent Is

So Different Than Being A Parent:

Why It Is So Important and So Much Fun

  

 

As a grandparent of two little boys, I realize why being a grandparent is so different than being a parent, why it is such an important role and why it is so relaxed and so much fun.  Everyone knows and agrees that grandparents have the reputation of spoiling their grandchildren. But, it ismore than spoiling that grandparents do. From my observation, it is the attitude of grandparents that is totally different than parents.  Parents tend to be extremely strict and rigid; while most grandparents, on the other hand, have a more relaxed, laissez-faire, flexible attitude, a combination that brings a positive, wonderful and emotionally healthy balance for the grandchildren.

  

As a parent, I, too, used to worry and fret about each and every stage of childhood development.  To me, the parental role was overwhelming and extremely serious and, today, I realize, how unnecessarily stressful. As a mother, I frequently asked, myself,   “when will my daughter give up her bottle and pacifier?” “When will she be potty trained?” “She is starting nursery school, why doesn’t she know her ABC’s, her numbers, her colors? “   My mother, instead, tended to take everything in stride and was much more relaxed about every situation.  As a rule, parents are young, with a minimum of common knowledge, and take the many stages of childhood much more seriously than grandparents. There is something to be said about the value of life experience.

 

 As a personal example, last weekend my husband, (John), and I vacationed in Southampton, a summer resort in Long Island. My daughter, (Danielle), her husband (Jon), and two grandsons (Ben and Jack) joined us. Danielle and Jon were invited to a Sunday wedding in a nearby town. And needless, to say, John and I were the designated babysitters. Normally, Ben (four years old) and Jack (two years old) are tucked in their bed and crib by seven o’clock.

 

But this night would be very different. We all got dressed and went to a steak and lobster restaurant on the water that featured an outdoor calypso band. We had dinner and, as “responsible grandparents,” we had every good intention of leaving so that the boys could be snuggled in their blankets and tucked in their beds at a reasonable hour – when Jack heard the calypso music. All by himself, in front of the band, he started to dance.  I noticed one young, beautiful girl smiling at him, and all of a sudden she became his dancing partner. We all enjoyed the music for two hours and then went back to the hotel.

  

This night, Ben was in his bed and Jack was in his crib after nine o’clock, but so what? We all had so much fun. And best of all, when they grow up, these precious, beautiful moments and memories will never be forgotten.

WHAT DO YOU THINK MAKE A COMMENT

Read Full Post »

Symptoms of Asperger’s Disorder

Asperger’s Disorder is a syndrome that typically appears first inchildhood, and is primarily characterized by a person’s difficulty in everyday social interactions with others. For instance, a person with Asperger’s may engage in long-winded, one-sided conversations without noticing or caring about the listener’s interest. They also often lack usual nonverbal communication skills, such as engaging in eye contact with others they’re talking to, or failing to react and empathize with other people’s stories and conversation. This may make them seem insensitive, although that is rarely the case. They may have a hard time “reading” other people or understanding humor.

Adults, too, may have Asperger’s, as often the disorder is not properly diagnosed in childhood. Asperger’s is considered the mildest, least severe form of autism. The following five criteria primarily characterize Asperger’s Disorder.

1. A significant, ongoing impairment in social interactions with others, as demonstrated by at least two of the following symptoms:

• Significant difficulty in the use of multiple nonverbal behaviors such as the lack of eye contact, few facial expressions, awkward or clumsy body postures and gestures
• Failure to develop friendships with other children of the same age
• Lack of spontaneous seeking to share enjoyment, interests, or achievements with other people (e.g., by a lack of showing, bringing, or pointing out objects of interest to other people)
• Failure to express appropriate and corresponding social or emotional reactions, such as when conversing or playing with others. For example, a child who shows little or no reaction, feelings or empathy to another child talking with them.

2. Restricted and repetitive patterns of behavior, interests, and activities, as shown by at least one of the following symptoms:

• A significant and encompassing preoccupation or obsession with one or two restricted topics, that is abnormal either in intensity, subject or focus (such as baseball statistics or the weather)
• Seemingly inflexible adherence to specific routines or rituals that serve little purpose
• Repetitive motor mannerisms. For example, hand or finger flapping or twisting, or complex whole-body movements.
• A persistent preoccupation with parts of objects

3. The set of symptoms causes significant impairment in social, occupational, or other important areas of functioning.

4. There is no significant general delay in language (e.g., single words used by age 2, communicative phrases used by age 3).

5. There is no significant delay in cognitive development (such as reading or math skills) or in the development of age-appropriate self-help skills, behavior, and curiosity about the environment in childhood.

Early Signs of Asperger’s Disorder

It’s important to note that a person with Asperger’s disorder has no general delay in language acquisition, cognitive development and adaptive behavior (other than in social interaction). This contrasts with typical developmental accounts of autistic children who show marked deficits and deviance in these areas prior to age 3.

Other common descriptions of the early development of individuals with Asperger’s include certain characteristics that may be helpful in identifying it earlier on. These characteristics include:

• A certain precociousness in learning to talk (e.g., “He talked before he could walk!”)
• A fascination with letters and numbers. In fact, the young child may even be able to decode words, with little or no understanding of them (“hyperlexia”)
• The establishment of close relationships to family members, but inappropriate relationships or interactions with friends and others (rather than withdrawal or aloofness as in autism). For example, in Asperger’s the child may attempt to initiate contact with other children by hugging them or screaming at them and then puzzle at their responses.

These behaviors are sometimes described for higher-functioning autistic children as well, albeit much more infrequently than they are for children with Asperger’s.

Read Full Post »

Breaking Up Poems

Poems about Breakups. When two people are intimate with each other, this is the highest level that a relationship can reach. Whether or not the breakup is desirable, one thing is for sure, it will make a monumental difference in the lives of the people involved. Poetry about a breakup is likely to contain intense pain, anger, and sadness. In a close relationship, man and woman become like one. When the relationship is dissolved it may feel like your body is being ripped in half.

 

Read Full Post »

Broken Relationships

Wanting to mend them.
And to fix.
Those Broken relationships,
We came to know but miss.

Wanting to mend them.
And to fix.
Those broken relationships,
We came to know but miss.

Forgiving is easier when that act is done.
But to forget is not as quick,
As is wished.

Forgiving is easier when that act is done.
But to forget is not as quick,
As is wished.

Broken relationships,
Are hard to mend when they end.
Broken relationships,
Are hard to mend when they end.

Wanting to mend them.
And to fix.
Those Broken relationships,
We came to know but miss.

Wanting to mend them.
And to fix.
Those broken relationships,
We came to know but miss.

Forgiving is easier when that act is done.
But to forget is not as quick,
As is wished.

Broken relationships,
Are hard to mend when they end.
Broken relationships,
Are hard to mend when they end.
Broken relationships,
Are hard to mend when they end.
Broken relationships,
Are hard to mend when they end.

Lawrence S. Pertillar

Read Full Post »

Broken Marriage

• 

My heart is broken you’ve seemed to have gone away
Even though you’ve always promised you’d stay
We’ve been together for ever so long
Now I know what to do I’ve got to be strong

Strong enought that I can walk away
Storng enough that to you I can say
Its time for goodbye I bid you adieu
With your cheating heart its all I can do

Deep inside I know there’s somebody else
Our vows said true are now worth less
You’ve cheated before I know that’s true
So leaving you behind is all I can do

I’ll find me someone who will love me true
He’ll show it in all that he will do
Wheter its loving or cleaning up the house
He’ll show me in actions he’s not a louse

No cheating heart shall he ever display
In words and deeds and all he shall say
In return I shall be loving until my dying day
Age shall not matter what else can I say

He and I will be together I’m telling you this
our life will be nothing but loving bliss
My future is bright and this is true
Do you want to know why, it will be without you.

Bonnie B Long

Read Full Post »

SHOULD I STAY OR SHOULD I GO ?

Should You Stay Together for the Kids?

You’re going through a difficult time in your marriage. You may have even tried relationship counseling but it doesn’t look like things will work out with your spouse. The question is: Should you stay together for the kids’ sake? Many experts believe you should.

“In my opinion,” says Dennis Neder, an ordained minister and author of Being a Man in a Woman’s World(Remington Publications, 2000), “the highest form of selfishness is to breed. After all, children don’t ask to be born. Parents choose to create little carbon copies of themselves. Thus, I believe that parents should stay together for the sake of the children.”

Laurie Moore, Ph.D., author of Creative Intimacy: A Practical Guide to Better Relationships (North Atlantic Books, 2001) andChoosing a Life Mate Wisely, strongly agrees. Moore, a psychotherapist and licensed marriage family therapist, also believes that couples should work out what she calls “practical lifestyle compatibility” issues before they have children.

That means, says Dr. Neder, that “parents need to know what they believe and stand for. This includes beliefs about religion, government and politics, family and work life.” They also should be fiscally and emotionally mature enough to support a family and be committed to raising that family. The trick, according to Dr. Neder, is proper planning and perspective.

“If couples would decide that they will raise their children as their primary responsibility, they would come to only one conclusion: staying together and agreeing to put the needs of their children before their own.”

If a couple can’t get along — even for the sake of the family — they should, at the very least, go out of their way to try and avoid confrontation, says Dr. Neder. While this is difficult for most people, he adds that children deserve this from their parents.

Repair Your Marriage With Baby Steps

When children are involved, try taking baby steps to keep the family together. Michele Weiner Davis, Ph.D., author of The Divorce Remedy: The Proven 7-Step Program for Saving Your Marriage (Simon & Schuster, 2001), teaches people how to set new goals in a marriage. She says that people can change their relationships, even without their partner’s cooperation. Here’s how:

• Start by writing down three things you hope to change in your marriage. Writing, says Weiner Davis, starts the action process because you get “out of your head.” Written down, your wishes appear more real. They also offer a baseline to which you can refer in the days to come.
• Focus on what you want in your marriage — not what’s missing. When you zero in on complaints you perpetuate problems, rather than solve them.
• Translate your complaints into goals. Once you do that, you can come up with steps that you or your spouse can take to improve things.
• Take it one step at a time. It’s natural to want to speed through the repair process. But change is a gradual process. You don’t go from being miserable to being intensely in love again overnight. Be happy with small improvements — and try to be positive.

What if All Else Fails?

Of course, it’s not a perfect world — not everyone can work out relationship differences. So, if children are suffering, Dr. Moore says it probably makes sense to split up.

In such cases, parents must come to an understanding over the raising of the children, says Dr. Neder. Both parents should spend time with the children, regardless of who has custody. He also says that it’s important for men and women who seriously date a divorced parent to consult with that child’s mother or father to discuss beliefs and expectations about child rearing. The goal, of course, is to minimize the emotional trauma that divorce can bring into a child’s life. While divorced parents may no longer enjoy life as a family, they still can enjoy the pleasure of watching their child grow — together.

WHY NOT MAKE A COMMENT ?

IT MAY JUST MAKE  A DIFFERENCE 

Read Full Post »